A Quick Hello

A quick hello, and update! April was about the craziest month I've had for a while. I planned a baby shower for my sister, a birthday party for my son, and Easter for my family. Then my sister had her baby on May 2nd! It's a girl, the first for our whole family. My brother has been living with me and now my Dad returned from work in Alaska and is staying with me. They'll move out to Washington state in a few weeks. And during all this I have been planning my wedding. That's right, I'm getting married on May 23rd!!! Less then 2 weeks from now I will be walking down that aisle. So I've been absent, but this time I have a legitimate excuse! God had been so amazing and gracious to me these last few months. I've been busy, yes - but happily so. And even though my computer has completely died, I'll be back in June - Thanks to those of you coming by and saying hello, I appreciate it! The Lord is so amazing to me! He's given me a lot of patience and understanding these past few months. Well, I'm off - I'll see you all again in a while!

The Jesus Filter

I'm sure some of you have heard of the shooting in Binghamton, NY. Binghamton is a small city located in the Southern Tier of New York. I live in the area. I've been to the American Civic Center.

Does everyone remember where they were on 9/11? I can remember what I was doing, what I was thinking, and who told me to turn on the TV. I remember thinking, "How did this happen to us?" That's how I felt again on Saturday, because this happened in my neighborhood.

You know what else I remember? I remember being a young girl and seeing all the police shows on TV. Along with everyone else, I've always thought that it couldn't happen to me, that my world was safe. I thought that things like that happen only in large cities, or other states.

Now the violence is next door, it's where I raise my son, it's where I shop and eat and go to the movies. Not to mention that every time I open my Yahoo page, I see more stories of people shooting one another. It's every where. Children, schools, nursing homes and civic centers.

Would this be happening if we had no TV? No violent songs, no disturbing books? Be careful little eyes what you see, little ears what you hear, little mouths what you say. Remember Columbine? Would that have happened if one person had reached out and said something kind or been a friend. They say that this man, Jiverly Wong, shot up the Civic Center because he had lost a job and people were picking on him for his limited English. It's just another version of grown up bullying. It need to end, and it needs to end with us. How many times have you, as a Christian, lashed out at someone, said something unkind, let some TV show influence your life? That's why I started this website - and chose the verse in the header. It's time to seek out our ways and turn back to the Lord. Everything, and I mean everything needs to be filtered in our lives. The phrase "what would Jesus do?" may have become a little overused, but it's so very true.

Let us seek out our ways, and turn back to the Lord.

Of Dusty Bibles And Comfortable Knees

I have not read my Bible in two months.

Why am I telling you this? Why am I admitting such an awful thing such a public way?

Because some one's got to. I am personally here to let you know how easy it is for satan to worm his way into your life, steal all your goals and undo all that a person has done. Melodramatic? Yes, but I know I am only one of many.

How many of you sit in church week after week and go home to a dusty Bible cover and an unused notebook? Since we're all being honest now, how many of you sit at home week after week? How many of you hope, deep down, that you have a bad headache on Sunday morning - because that's always a plausible excuse to stay home from church. How many have looked for symptoms of a fever in your child - because we can't bring sick children to church, now, can we? How many of you secretly turn off your alarm clock in the middle of the night - hoping you sleep until it's too late to go? I know I have.

I'm not proud of this fact, I'm angry. At myself. I've looked back over the last few months and asked - when did I let myself slip? It only takes a moment, and it only takes one time. Then you end up where I am, wondering where you put your Bible, hoping it's not too dusty. Who remembers the old kids song - "Shut de door, keep out the devil"? It's really good advice. The Bible says "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour." (1 Peter 5:8) When satan wants you to be "too tired", "too sick" or just plain too selfish - put the kibosh on that right away folks.

I have a good friend who "fasts" her distractions. When she's on the computer too much - she "fasts" it, she gives it up for a time. I know I need to do that with a lot of things - TV, music, books - even christian books! If it keeps me from time with my Lord - it needs to be put aside.

So that's where I am and that's what I'm doing. I write this today because, like I've said before, this blog is turning into something that keeps me accountable to myself, and to God. And I need that - don't we all?

Sick Games

I was going through some friends blogs, and I ran across a startling article at Channel Of Healing. (She's on my blogroll) The article is about a game called RapeLay. If you couldn't guess, the game is about stalking and raping women.

Now, I know our world is sick. We live in a day where perversion is at our fingertips and just a mouse click away. I haven't even let my 7-year old on the Internet yet, I'm afraid of what he will find. I can install all the security I want, but there will always be someone finding their way around it. even though I am aware of what people have become - I was pretty shocked. I thought I had become a little numb to all the violence and sex there is in the world. I get so tired of seeing bikini's and cleavage everywhere I look. And if I turn in the other direction - I see violence and hate. Yet it's all "normal" and accepted!! Anyway - for me, this is (more) proof that the world is truly coming to an end. I'm pretty sure that there isn't far to go before we hit rock bottom.

I hope and pray that Jesus comes back soon.

Thoughts

Why is it so easy to let Jesus fall by the wayside? What makes it so hard to pray, or read? Why are we so focus on pleasing ourselves that we can't do anything the Lord wants us to do? Why is it so easy to ruin my witness and so hard to build it back up?

These are just a few questions I've been asking myself lately. I call myself a Christian, I go to church, and I read my Bible. Hey - I even study my Bible...sort of. I song the hymns, I pray before eating and I even say bedtime prayers with my son. But lately I feel so far away from God...I've even questioned my position on this "tangible" presence thing. Almost.

But life is funny, and the farther away I feel from the Lord...the more I'm convinced that God is not a feeling. I'm seeing that the more I struggle with myself, the more I learn about Him and what He wants me to do. So - all those thoughts brought me to this main question;

If you're only looking to "feel" God move, and never have to spend time searching for Him - then what are you learning?

The obvious answer is nothing. Sitting in a chair, feeling all happy and warm and tingly is all well and good for a season - but there is more to do here on earth than just "feel" things. What about what I say? What I do? What I think? Those things are so important - you cannot be an effective tool for Christ if the only weapon you've got is your feelings. There is no "Breastplate of Financial Blessing" and there is no "Sword of Naming and Claiming". There is no "Helmet of Positive Thoughts" and there is no "Feet Shod With The Preparation Of Feelings".

There is a Spirit of Peace, but peace is knowing you are in God's Hands - whether you feel it or don't. Peace is not feeling like you are in God's Hands - whether you actually are.......or aren't.

So - these have been my thoughts for a few weeks now. I have been distracted, and sidetracked. I have felt lonely and abandoned - but all of that has helped me to realize the He is always, always there for me....no matter what I feel.

Letter From FFM

It's been a while since I've written. So to kind of catch up a little, I went to my youtube page, and watched a few videos. After seeing a good series on "God's Generals" by LocalPastor - I decided to swing by Fresh Fire Ministries website and take a look.

And, boy , let me tell you - I just doesn't take much to get me going.

On November 28th, 2008 - they posted a letter, entitled "Greetings to our FFM Partners, Past and Present." I didn't think there would be too much there to interest me, but I was wrong.

They start out by apologizing for their silence (wonder why?), and they talk about the "emotional roller coaster" that they have been through. (whose fault would that be?) Ok, interesting, but nothing new. Then they go on to say that "In light of our lack of communication, some of you have felt the need to withdraw your partnership with Fresh Fire Ministries"

Huh? So everyone that withdrew their support from FFM, they did it because of the lack of letters posted? I don't think so. I have a feeling that they withdrew support because of Todd Bentley's indiscretions. Um, that would be a non-prophetic feeling, just to keep things clear. In the next breath, they say that they "completely understand and both release and bless you". Release you? I'm pretty sure that people left, whether FFM released them or not. I see a need to control and retain absolute power over others. Uh, that's a non-apostolic "seeing", just so you're not confused. FFM goes on to blame the economic crisis as well. Then this little statement - "Some of you have received so much good word and powerful impartation through FFM, that you might consider starting your own ministry." Lord, I hope not.

They continue on to defend Todd Bentley and Lakeland - big surprise - and I thought, well, that's old news. Wrong again. Apparently, Todd has had a pure spirit, would spend hours "soaking", and was hungry for God's spirit. Oh, and "The manifestation of amazingly accurate words of knowledge and astounding miracles flowed effortlessly night after night." Uh huh. The next few paragraphs explain away Todd's problems - "Alcohol, movies and leisure time spent with a few of the younger, more impressionable members of his staff and road-crew began to replace the hours of soaking in the presence of God in which Todd had engaged during the early days of the Outpouring." You think?

Then they talk about Todd's "restoring". It seems to me that they mean him to be "restored" to his "ministry". Please, No.

It was here I stopped reading for the day - I just couldn't stomach any more of the PR spin, and the blame game. It's becoming truly sad - I'm just waiting for someone over there to stand up and point out the obvious. "Look, mommy - the Emperor's naked!"

Hiatus

Hey everyone, I'm taking a break and enjoying Christmas at home with my son! I'll be back in January. Merry Christmas and God Bless!